Feeling like a bad mother

I finally heard back from Voc Rehab. They have 3 priority categories - with priority 1 being most significant and priority 3 being least. They have classified me in category 2. I am pretty surprised by that. It's weird for me to think about myself as being disabled. I guess whenever I thought about disabled people, the wheelchair bound kind was what always came to mind. I figured I would be pushed back to category 3. But I am still on a waiting list anyway, and I have no idea how long that will take. And once they get to me, I'm not even positive what they can do to help me anyway.

Things are going ok with the new counselor. She definitely doesn't tell you the kinds of things you want to hear. She tells it like it is. This is so much different than my first couselor, who was really nice and just seemed like more of a shoulder to cry on or whatever. My new counselor just seems...I don't really know what the word would be. She is definitely determined and is coming up with a "plan" to "fix" me. I guess she seems more like a teacher. Don't get me wrong, I like her, and I've heard from several people that she is really good. But she kind of makes me feel like a bad mom. At the last appointment, it seemed like Dakota is mostly what we talked about. About my attachment issues and his. Basically, his attachment issues to me are all my fault and blah, blah, blah... I wanted to argue back and say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to have a close relationship to your child. But deep down, I know that I am making things harder on him in the long run. Things are hard on him now, even - with going to school. Maybe if I would have spent a little more time away from him - going to school wouldn't be so traumatic for him. Every morning, all the Kindergarteners meet in the gym. There's probably about a hundred of them in there (I don't know, I'm not good at estimating things like that). Dakota is the only child trying to run after his mom. His teacher has to hold him back while I walk out of there every morning with him crying LOUDLY for me not to leave. So, that makes me feel even worse than I was already feeling about being a bad mom.

I emailed Dakota's teacher this morning about how he is doing at school. She said that she does have some concerns and that she can't "figure him out". He hasn't opened up to her like the other students have. She said that he sometimes just stares off into space. And she is concerned with his fine motor skills. Oh, and she wants me to try dropping him off outside in the mornings instead of walking him in. I don't know how I feel about that. I'm not sure I can get him to go into the school without me dragging him in there.