My appointment

I had an appointment last week with the psychiatrist. He decided to add 3 medications to the crapload that I already have to take. One is Wellbutrin, he wants me to take it along with my Lexapro. I'm not sure if I've heard of people having to take 2 different anti-depressants. Another med is called Propranolol. I don't even remember for sure what this is for. Something about the central nervous system or something??? I swear that I think he said that half of my central nervous system seems dead. Of course, he is foreign and a little hard to understand. Maybe I should ask more questions or hire a translator or something... Anyway, then the last med is something called Klonopon. The doctor calls it a chill-out pill. I'm supposed to take it 3 times a day. And I'm supposed to always carry some with me so I can take an extra one if somewhere I go causes me anxiety. He gave me a low dose so that hopefully it won't chill me out so much that I fall asleep. I have trouble staying awake during the day the way it is, so I'm sure this isn't going to help. Back when I worked at Vatterott, I kept falling asleep at work so a doc put me on Provigil. All I had to do was take half a pill and it worked great. My current doc tried putting me on that recently, and not even a whole pill phases me at all. He wants me to talk to my primary care physician and tell her that he suggests T3 - which has something to do with my thyroid. I told him that when I last had my thyroid checked it was fine but he seems to think I should take thyroid meds anyway. I'm just afraid that my primary care doc will think that my psychiatrist is a nutcase and the appointment will be a waste of my time and money. I just hate going to see doctors.

I had an appointment yesterday with the girl from Voc Rehab that helps me look for a job. She gave me print offs of 3 jobs that she thinks I should apply for. I took them home, read through them, and basically had a break down. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. But basically the jobs (and all the other jobs she tries shoving at me), are customer service oriented jobs. I have social anxiety, I can't do these jobs. They all want people with excellent communication skills. I just can't do that and even thinking about doing that makes me all panicky. If it weren't for not being able to stand for long periods of time, I think I would just go work at a factory. I just want to go somewhere, do my job, and not have to talk to anyone. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. Maybe I could pretend to be mute. Anyway. I just feel worthless on so many levels. I don't think any amount of medication is going to change me. If anything, I will be zombie-fied from being on so much. I will be taking, I think, 15 pills a day. I haven't started the Wellbutrin yet because the insurance company seems to be having a fit or something. The pharmacy says that the insurance wants comfirmation from the doctors office. Oh, and speaking of pharmacies, we got our account statements for last year. In 2009 we spent $700 on prescriptions, which really sucks.