I need to get away

Unfortunately I had to go see my psychiatrist again yesterday. He told me that I looked better and my eyes looked brighter. I told him that it was because my husband watched the kids and let me take a nap before I came. But he is convinced my medications are working wonders, so much so that he wants me to take an extra pill a day of 2 of the medications. I told him that I'm not sure I notice much of a difference at all, and I wasn't even able to start the Wellbutrin until yesterday because of the insurance. But what do I know.... The guy was really pissing me off yesterday and I didn't feel like he was taking me seriously most of the time. Out of the blue he asked me what scares me the most. The first thought that popped into my head was something happening to my children so that's what I told him. He asked me if I think about things like that and I told him I did (I am a mother - it's only normal). He went on this long speech about how worrying about things like that is pointless and he was talking about the probabilities of things happening, blah blah blah. I started to tell him that I knew what the probability was of something happening to one of my kids, but that it doesn't stop me from worrying anyway. He stopped me before I even got half my sentence out and said, "No, you don't know because if you did you wouldn't be worrying about it, and blah blah blah." And he didn't say it very nicely either - more like he was annoyed. I just closed up after that and couldn't even talk to him. Yeah, I understand that probabilities are low that something bad is going to happen to someone. But in the past 2 years I've had an aunt and uncle tragically lose their daughter, and my cousins lost their father because of someone murdering him so the doctor doesn't need to tell me crap about what I know and what I don't know and what's not likely to happen. Then, he asked me if I prayed and I shook my head no. So, then he went off on another tangent about praying and God and blah blah blah. Honestly, I feel the way my husband does - praying to God does about as much good as praying to a lucky rabbits foot. If there is a God, and he plans on somebody going to heaven on a certain day, that's going to happen rather you pray or not. Otherwise nobody would ever die. Things happen for a reason. But anyway, I don't go see a doctor to get religious advice. And I wouldn't go back to this doctor if I didn't need him to write me a prescription. And unfortunately I have to go back in a month. He only writes me prescriptions for a month at a time so I have to come back and see him every month. It's like he doesn't trust me or something. It's really annoying.

After my appointment, John told me about what happened at Dakota's school. Apparently during recess Dakota told another little boy that he was going to kill him. They were playing cops. Luckily, the teacher didn't bring the principal and all that into it. She talked to John about it when he went to pick up Dakota. She said she had a talk with Dakota about it and he got really upset. I don't know what she said to him but it sounds like he cried for the rest of the day. She said that the Valentine's party was ruined for him because he was so upset.

On Thursday we had another appointment with Dakota's school. His teacher was there, the principal, the speech teacher, and someone from the Special Ed department. Basically, they got some testing done but they needed us to sign more papers to have more testing done. An Occupational Therapist said that Dakota seems lethargic and unresponsive when you ask him to complete a task (we notice that at home too). His regular teacher thinks that Dakota's intelligence seems below average and says that he seems very slow to progress and process. She said that he is nowhere near grade level expectations and she has to walk him through every task. Fine motor skills are especially delayed. She has concerns for all areas. They still want to test him on visual perception, motor proficiency, articulation proficiency, semantic skills, and a bunch of others: CELF-Pre, KABC-2, KTEA-11, KeyMath3, TERA-2, and TEWL-2. Guess I need to google these to see what the heck they are!

Oh, and on top of everything else we finally got Johns car somewhere to be looked at. They had it a few days and then called us and said it was fixed. They replaced the alternator and the bill is $400. Needless to say, they still have our car. We don't have extra money like that lying around. They didn't even call us before they did anything to give us an estimate like most places do. If we would have known, we would have told them to wait until we got our tax return back. Ugh, this has not been a good week! I hope we get a good amount back from the tax return so we can go on a little get-away. Even if it's just for a weekend. I just need to get away from everything.