It's ticking...

So, we have finally decided that we would like another child. That will probably come as a shock to many people since I've said that I'm done having kids. I feel my biological clock ticking. Maybe it's a mid-life crisis. I just feel like if it doesn't happen soon, then I will be too old. However... I have so many issues working against me here. First of all, I don't know if my body can handle carrying another child. I feel so weak and exhausted all the time. I know there is a possibility of me feeling better with time since I'm now on antibiotics for the Lyme, but I've heard the horror stories of the Lyme never going away – even with treatment. Also, there is a good chance I have already given Lyme to the 2 children that I already have, and that their symptoms are just laying dormant for now. There are so many people in my Lyme group that have been born with it because their mother unknowingly had it while they were pregnant. I know there is less of a chance of passing it to your child if you are on antibiotics during your pregnancy. Another hurdle in my way is Autism. If you have one child with Autism, then your chances of having another child with it are good – especially if it's a boy. But would I have chosen not to have Dakota just because he would have Autism? Heck no. But a part of me would feel guilty for bringing another child into this world with Autism because I see all the issues Dakota faces on a daily basis. Also, I tend to have issues carrying a child full term. Mikayla was supposed to be born May 2^nd and came April 1^st. She had some issues and wasn't able to come home with me when I left the hospital, which was hard. Dakota was supposed to be born in the middle of August and came July 7^th. I had that horrible placenta issue with him and never want to go through that pain again in my life. I know once you have it, you're at an increased risk of having it again. Luckily, I didn't have any placenta issues with Mikayla. But anyway, I just keep thinking – what if I would have stopped having children after Dakota? Then I wouldn't have Mikayla in my life. What other wonderful child am I missing out on if I don't have another kid? I have so much to think about. Luckily, I have a wonderful supportive husband that is by my side on whatever I choose to do.