Our Crazy Life

This morning was the worst morning we've had so far with Dakota. I can't even explain how awful it was. My whole body hurts. Dakota was hitting and kicking the whole time. I know John got kicked in the head a couple of times. It took forever to get him in the car. I sat with him. He kept trying to take his seatbelt off and open the door – even while we were driving. I guess he thought he could jump out while we were driving and he wouldn't have to go to school. His thinking isn't very logical when he gets like this. While we were dragging Dakota up to the school, the counselor must have heard the commotion because she came out to talk with Dakota. He started screaming and crying inside the school. The counselor took Dakota back to her office and told him they could talk about spiders. I was so thankful that she helped us. As soon as Dakota saw her, he stopped fighting us (though he was still crying). Mikayla was upset about being late to school. She hates going into the classroom when they are in the middle of something. John was a half hour late for work. I'm so afraid he will get fired one of these days. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like crying right now, I'm so stressed and frustrated. There are only 3 weeks left of school, but I have a feeling this won't be the last meltdown he has.

This past weekend was so stressful – stressful for someone with social anxiety anyway. Saturday was the school's Fun Fest. There were so many people there that I felt panicky. I think I'm pretty good at looking calm on the outside when I'm freaking out on the inside. The kids had a blast though and that's what matters. Yesterday was Mikayla's dance recital. We had to go there at 10:00 for dress rehearsal. That took awhile. The recital started at 4 but we had to be there by 3. I should have hired someone to do Mikayla's hair. They told us to curl the girl's hair. I had to go buy a curling iron. I've never needed one since I have curly hair. I'm not used to using one and I didn't do a great job. The curls didn't hold at all. The other girls in her group had really pretty curls and were all wearing makeup. Mikayla wasn't wearing any. I'm torn on the makeup thing. I don't think a 6 year old should wear makeup. I think that having them wear it gives the child the feeling that they aren't pretty enough without it. But yet, I wanted Mikayla to feel like she fit in. My biggest pet peeve is when parents put way to much makeup on the girls, and they end up looking like prostitutes. Mikayla did good on stage, I was really proud of her. She's too shy to talk to people – even family members. Yet, she will get on stage and dance in front of a crowd. It's strange. People tried telling her that she did a good job but she wouldn't speak to them. I'm so worried that people are going to think she's rude or stuck up. I've tried talking to her about saying “hi” when someone says it to her, but she refuses. I've always been shy, but I've never ignored people when they tried talking to me (that I can remember). In school, I remember someone telling me that they thought I was stuck up since I was so quiet. I don't want that happening with Mikayla.

Last week, John got a promotion at work. He is now the Network Administrator at the bank. I'm so proud of him. Finally some good news!

Last week, I had a couple of appointments in St. Joe. Luckily, John was able to take the afternoon off to take me because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake. The first doctor I saw is the one for my fatigue. The Provigil she put me on isn't working. Now, she's going to try Ritalin. For kids it's for ADHD, but for adults it's used for people with narcolepsy and shift work who have trouble staying awake during the day. I haven't started it yet because of issues with the insurance company. Typical. And I will have to get a new prescription every month because it's a controlled substance. The second doctor I saw was my G.I. Doctor. He's finally treating the stomach infection. He put my on a high dosage of two different antibiotics and he raised the dosage of my stomach medicine since I'm still having pain. He was showing me images from my scope and was showing me an area where my stomach lining was falling apart. I'm sure he didn't say anything about that after my scope. No wonder I'm having so much pain. He seems to think that I need to have a sonogram of my gallbladder though. He said that it could cause stomach pain. He set that up for tomorrow morning here in town. I really don't think that's my issue so it will just be another pointless test.

The day after the Boston bombings, Mikayla brought home some drawings that she made at school. The first one was of a bomb going off by Dakota and it messed his face up. The second drawing was of Dakota yelling for Mikayla to help him and she was laughing at him. The third drawing was of an ambulance and Dakota on a stretcher. It was a bit alarming. Maybe this girl needs some counseling.