Time goes by so fast

It's hard to believe that July is more than half way over. It seems like it just started. Dakota turned 6 this month. School starts back up in a month. I think I'm the only parent not looking forward to that. Dakota will be in Kindergarten and this will be his first year to go to school all day. I know it will be hard on him, but it might just be harder on me. It just feels like part of me is missing when he's not home with me. And I can't protect him when he's at school. I know how mean other kids can be. He is so sensitive and he doesn't make friends easily. I'm scared that he is going to be like me. I'm scared that school will be hell for him...

I feel like my social anxiety is getting worse. I don't think anyone understands how much I hated taking my kids to the fair this past weekend. I dreaded it so much. I honestly thought I was going to have a panic attack. At one point, everywhere I went to turn had somebody blocking my way. I felt trapped, almost like I couldn't breathe. I feel like a crazy person sometimes. I don't even like to leave the house most of the time. And I try really hard to act normal around people. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for my depression/anxiety. Maybe I can try some different meds or something.

My mother-in-law told me about a part time job at the Catholic school. You had to call the school principal if you're interested. I somehow got the courage to call and the principle mailed me an application. The letter with it said that I had to also send them a letter of reference from my pastor or minister. Now, I know this is a religious school - but isn't it still against the law to discriminate against religion? Basically, since I don't go to church - I am out of the running for this job. It is frustrating enough that I live in a town that doesn't have a lot of jobs open, and I am limited on the types of jobs that I can do. Awhile back, my counselor mentioned to me that I should try calling vocational rehabilitation. They are supposed to help people with disabilities get jobs. I've never really thought of myself as disabled, and I know I don't look disabled, so I never called. But I finally figured, what the heck - and I made myself call. Turns out that even having depression qualifies you, so I'm definitely qualified since I have depression, social anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia, and rheumatoid arthritis. I have an appointment to meet with them next month, so hopefully they can help me out somehow.