Autumn Blues

I can't believe it's already November. Christmas will be here before we know it and I just can't get myself excited about it this year. Usually by this time, I'm counting down the days until we can put our Christmas tree up. Money issues have gotten me depressed though. I'm not sure how we're going to buy Christmas presents for the kids. It seems like stuff always comes up this time of year. We are already behind on bills and John had to take an unpaid day off work last week for his uncle's funeral. Of course, we wouldn't have missed the funeral for the world. Doug was a great guy. The funeral was here in Maryville and the burial was in Tarkio – the funeral procession line was amazing. I've never seen one so large in my life. It was like he was a celebrity – just goes to show what kind of man he was.

We found out the other day that our indoor cat has fleas. I wondered what that black stuff was that the cat was leaving behind on my bed. Turns out it was flea poop, ugh... If waking up to find flea poop beside you in bed isn't enough to make you feel gross then I don't know what would. I've tried 3 times to give Max a bath – with no luck. He doesn't mind jumping into the kid's bath water to drink it, but holding him in the water and pouring water on him is another story. I have the battle wounds to show for it.

This month, we had parent/teacher conferences for the kids. Mikayla is doing great. In some areas she is advanced. Her teacher says that she is so serious most of the time. Dakota is doing well according to his special ed teacher. Though, he is working at a first or second grade level instead of third. I feel so bad for him that he is so behind in everything. He is also getting bullied at school. I've talked to his teacher and the principal, but kids are still being mean to him. It happens mostly at recess. There are about 100 kids out there and only 2 teachers on recess duty so they don't see a lot of stuff that happens.

About a week ago, we took Dakota to the ER because we were afraid he broke his toe. He was running and hit his toe on his bedpost. He cried forever like he was dying. I know he gets really dramatic when he gets hurt, but I didn't want to have the mommy guilt like I had with Mikayla when she broke her arm so we went ahead and went to the hospital to get it x-rayed. Luckily it was fine, but we are going to have a huge bill for that. Our insurance sucks. We pay $600 a month for insurance, which we can't afford, and it makes me mad how they try not to cover things. Like, the other day Dakota was given a prescription cream for a skin condition he has on his legs. It's called keratosis pilaris and is pretty common and hereditary. Normally, it's just little bumps on the skin – looks like goosebumps. I've always had the bumps on the back of my upper arms but they've never bothered me. Dakota has the kind that get really painful. Anyway, we went to pick it up and it was going to be $60 – the insurance doesn't want to cover any of it. The insurance says that there is something over the counter we can get that is similar, but the pharmacist told us that it doesn't contain a high enough concentration. Sometimes I'm tempted to just not have insurance...

This morning we had another meltdown with Dakota. To make a long story short, we ended up just keeping him home from school. Don't judge – I know it's not good to give in. John and I together can't control him when he gets like that. It's like he doesn't see any sort of reasoning. You can spank him, take privileges away, etc... but nothing makes a difference. I still had to take Mikayla to school and John to work, and after much fighting Dakota still refused to put shoes on. One of us would hold him and the other would put his shoes on (the whole time he would kick and scream and cry) – and then he would just kick his shoes back off. We gave up. John was already late for work. Dakota ended up walking to the car in the cold rain with no coat or shoes on. Yeah, if anyone would have seen we would have looked like the worst parents in the world. I have no doubt in my mind that he has autism, but we still haven't gotten an appointment with either developmental clinic in KC to get a diagnosis. Of course, our insurance won't cover an Autism evaluation. I guess it's better if he doesn't get an appointment until after the first of the year because John doesn't have any more days to take off. It's bad enough that I have an appt in St. Joe later this month to get the results of my sleep study, and I might have to cancel it because I can't drive to it. I know I won't be able to stay awake. Life sucks sometimes. I'm just having one of those days and feel like I'm going to have an emotional breakdown.